I Am His

When I was a little girl, one of my favorite things to do was to pretend.  My family doesn't think of me as an outdoor girl, and I'm really not, but I did used to play outside a lot when I was little.  Except, I didn't play in the dirt or find much joy in physical activity like playing tag or baseball (although I did participate in these kind of sporty activities on occasion!!).  My favorite thing to do outside was to pretend. 

Whether under the shade of a big tree, up in the branches of a smaller tree (I'm no dare devil!), under the top of an old pick up truck, or sitting at the edge of a creek, I loved to pretend...or imagine.  I could sit for hours and just imagine.  When I got older, I would use my times of imagination to write...sometimes stories, sometimes journal entries, and sometimes, when the imagination turned into reflection, poems.  I was too young to realize that my love for these moments was due to my connection with the Maker of these moments.

There was something special about being out in nature, all alone.  I still find that it is in those quiet moments outside, in the vast expanse of His creation, that I feel as if I'm in a different dimension.  I feel as though He is so near to me that I could almost reach out and touch Him.  All of the noise of life fades away and I become, if only for a little while, me.  The real me, my soul exposed and laid bare for Him alone to see.  And I allow myself to let go of everything, all of the pressures and demands of motherhood and marriage, the past failures and mistakes that still haunt me, the unknown elements of the future that threaten to dismantle my sanity on a daily basis.  I let go, and I just...feel.  I feel His sovereignty and His greatness wash over me.  I feel Him looking at me and knowing me, like no one else in the entire world.  And I feel Him forgiving me, loving me, washing me anew. 

As the breeze blows through the trees and lifts tiny tendrils of hair off my brow, I feel taken care of and cherished, as if He himself were caressing my face and smiling into my eyes.  When the birds sing, I hear His love song for me and allow it to resonate into the deepest parts of my spirit. 

I don't feel like I'm one of a billion.  I feel like I'm one in a billion.  I am special.

I am His.  And He is mine.